Yesterday as I was fixing my makeup for the 10th time, my dad opened the hallway closet to grab his special boots. I don’t know about y’all but I have a father who has boots and jeans that are only worn for life changing gatherings. While those boots are grabbed more often than not for weddings and nights out on the town, yesterday it was to celebrate the life of a dear friend.
I received the news last weekend. I didn’t want to believe it was true. In fact I told my friend I need several others to confirm. Not because I didn’t believe her but I do know rumors fly in a small town and if I am honest, I was in denial. My best friend’s brother had become a part of my life and I didn’t want to accept the reality that all we would have is memories. No more new memories, just clinging tightly to those we had created.
As I arrived at the service, my other best friend’s brother was the first to greet me. I could barely get any words out before tears rolled down my face. We caught up as we walked to the cemetery. I stood with my sister as we cried our eyes out. I thought of the bond between my best friend and his brother, compared that to mine with my sister’s and it hit me even more. I don’t know how I could live without her. How is handling all of this is stride? I looked around to see my childhood friends and community members let tears hit the ground as we watched our friends/family members carry Tim’s casket and a local resident perform the service. When I wasn’t focused on the ground, I watched a tree (IYKYK) in the distance sway back and forth as memories raced through my mind.
It was a day of laughter as we shared stories. It was a day of sadness and anger. It was a day of admitting the most unexpected reminder caused me to shed the most tears. It was a day filled with joy to see childhood friends I hadn’t seen in a decade. It was a day of seeing a community come to together to mourn, to support, to lean into the pain together. It was a day of riding the highest of highs and lowest of lows. It was a reminder of what truly matters.
Most of us in my hometown have been friends since birth. We have been together to celebrate life’s most beautiful moments and hold one another when we have no words. We have fought like siblings. We’ve probably dated everyone and perhaps the boys didn’t even know they were dating us back in our grade school days! LOL! We’ve said extremely harsh things to each other and we push each other’s buttons as a way to express our love. We have made some not so great choices, that we can laugh about now. We have a bond like no other. The type where we will drop anything and everyone for our people.
We stood in a circle last night as things were winding down and asked ourselves why have we not been getting together more often? What excuses are we telling others and ourselves? Why is it always a tragic event bringing us together? We made a pact that we would start making the effort to see each other more often. While the future is unknown, what I do know is these are my people. They are a priority and moving forward I promise to love them harder than ever before.
Here’s what I have been asking myself lately:
- Am I living my life full of abundance?
- Is my current situation satisfying?
- What are my priorities and am I living in such a way I am able to honor those?
Sending y’all so much love. Hug your people tight!
