untamed.

• 

I had written a post that’s nearly ready to be published. Then I had a meaningful conversation yesterday morning that warrants a share.

I took a solo trip to Wallowa County. I stayed at the cutest bed and breakfast in Enterprise. For breakfast, I joined other guests. Our first breakfast was the standard ice breaker conversation – who are you? where are you from? The typical exchange during a surface level conversation. However, yesterday morning was different. If you know anything about me, I want to know the whole you. What keeps you up at night? What gets you out of bed in the morning? I don’t waste anytime getting there either 🙂

The wife of the duo, who is 80 years young, asked me if I had heard of a particular book. One she wished was available to her at a much younger age. Her daughter had bought it for her. This book had changed her life. Untamed. Glennon Doyle. I smiled. Why yes. Yes I have read it. Her eyes lit up and our conversation quickly transitioned into depth.

I sat back and gave her the stage. Front and center. She took me back to the day when she was newly getting to know her now husband. Both loved cycling. He had planned to ride his bike from coast to coast. As in Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic. West to East. 50+ miles a day. She felt that cycling was what they had in common. She convinced herself that if she gave it up, their relationship would no longer be. She was training, but wasn’t enjoying herself. Her only why was because of a man. She came to the realization that wasn’t a good enough reason. She didn’t do the ride. She also didn’t lose him by doing what felt was right for her. He was also present for this conversation and had the most gentle demeanor as she vocalized her fears and concerns, not once passing judgment. Just being a supportive guest at the picnic table.

As she continued to open up, she gave me insight to their living arrangements. Co-housing. He provided the education and backstory – European concept. Around 40 families. Community dinners. Garages at one end of the development. Houses at the other. Which means when you bring home groceries, you put them in a cart and wheel the goods to your house, passing your neighbors. Without hesitation, “I hate it!”, she said. She is introverted and takes the long way around to avoid neighbors. Not because she doesn’t like them, but because she wants her space. This habit initially resulted in her wondering what everyone thought of her. Was she stuck up? Was she getting more exercise? Why was this woman not taking the shortest route as she’s towing a months worth of groceries? Later her husband told me that she not only avoids them in these settings but she will avoid conversations at gatherings. She also experiences FOMO (their words, not mine). She chimed in, letting me know she avoids crowds because of her hearing loss. She didn’t want to burden them asking them to repeat themselves if she couldn’t hear but doesn’t like the idea of not being a part of the group.

She struggled to find her words. And if you know me, it took everything I had to not get up and give her a big squeeze. She was reflecting on her life and telling me about her regrets. That she really did in fact want to ride across the country but didn’t want the pressure of riding 50+ miles a day. It wasn’t until later she realized that if she couldn’t, she could have hitched a ride with the SAG wagon. She wished she would have found her voice earlier in life. That she would have done the things she really wanted to do and doing them her way so she could fully enjoy the experience. We finished the rest of our breakfast in near silence as we let one another have a moment.

I chose to share this conversation because I know so many people are struggling to find their place in the world. From friends confiding in me about wanting to leave their marriages to changing career paths, there has been one common theme. They have spent a majority of their lives adjusting to meet the needs of others all while losing themselves. When they decide they want to put themselves first, it’s hard. They carry guilt and shame. But they also live in fear. Fear of being judged for who they are. Fear they will make a decision that will upset someone else. Fear of how others will perceive them. Rather than break through the fear to discover what is on the other side, they choose stuck. Stuck in the same patterns, doubts and regrets. Because the known of the lackluster situation is more comfortable than giving uncertainty a chance. Avoiding looking inward and listening to what their soul is telling them.

I don’t have the answer for those trying to escape the maze because no two mazes are the same. I still have moments of self doubt but I am starting to come out on the other side. I often reflect on the progress I’ve made personally and professionally to see how far I have come. Here’s what I have learned on this wild ride to freedom:

• Most of our choices are not permanent. We are not stuck. (I am learning this but truthfully still struggle with the concept.)
• Take your time. There’s no finish line here. A lifetime investment.
• Set yourself up for success. I have been spending a lot of time out in nature in rural Oregon. The environment gives me the stillness I need to process.
• You get to decide what you share with others.
• You also get to tell others you don’t want their feedback or advice. It’s not their decision or choice what you do with your life.
• If people want to pass judgment, let em! I constantly remind myself, their words are not reflection of myself.
• Give yourself grace!
• And thanks to the sweet woman who decided to share her story–it’s never too late!

Cheers!