Lately I’ve had several talks around time and living in the present. I find myself drifting into the future, thinking about my next deadline. My next accomplish. The constant movement is where I often found a place value.
Despite time being only a measurement, it can feel like it is for us or against us. Our culture tends to pin time against us. By a specific (arbitrary) point in your life you should have certain credentials and anything less is unacceptable. Our tests are timed. Our days are built around time. Our jobs fall into one of three categories: full-time, part-time and contract, all of which are determined by hours. It often feels like we are in the rat race. I believe that the subject of time is complex and there is enough material for several posts. More recently some thoughts I’ve had around time that have been holding extra space have been children, work structure and the constant unwanted pull to be going a million miles an hour.
I vividly remember participating in a workshop in my early 20s. One assignment asked us to write out 100+ goals we had for our lifetime. Getting married and having children made my list. How groundbreaking of me! I always dreamed of having children at a younger age so I could witness them growing up and get to share experiences with them. I didn’t like the idea of being an older parent and my children feeling obligated to take care of me as they were starting a family of their own. When I hit 30 and still no children, at my annual appointment I was asked if I was interested in harvesting my eggs!! This question has been asked at every follow up since. It didn’t weigh as heavily on me in my younger 30s but now that I’m in my mid 30s and working with children, I have felt a great pressure to have the children situation figured out. It’s a thought I continuously wrestle with but have gained a greater appreciation for the options available should the Universe decide that children are for me, even as I reach “geriatric” stage.
With more mothers in the work place, it has become more apparent with how our work culture has failed to adapt. I don’t pretend to be an expert in this area, but I am formulating my thoughts from experience as well as what I have witnessed. During wartime, women transitioned to factory positions while the men were away at war. Then held positions such as teachers and secretaries. It wasn’t until later on that women held executive roles and managerial positions which often include more hours and decision making responsibilities. While the positions women have held have evolved, the working culture continues to been steps behind. There’s an unspoken expectation that women will do it all and to not be 100% as both a mother and as an employee is failing. This leads me to the old idea of the 40 hour work week, another area of the work place that has failed to evolve. I believe there is a status symbol associated with the hours worked each week. That if we are working 40+ hours, we are in a position of power, making big, earth shattering discoveries and decisions. Ya know, the important people. Those working less than full time are often considered less valuable. They aren’t offered the same benefits as those who work more hours. I have to question those who work 40+ hours, how productive are their work days? I haven’t looked into the research on this topic, but I would bet there becomes a point when productivity takes a sharp, downward turn with the more hours one clocks. Wouldn’t it make more sense to base days off of productivity, performance and value added? It would provide more flexibility for employees, prevent burnt out and reduce employee turnover.
Truth be told, I’ve been feeling burnt out and mentally exhausted lately. If you know me, I am constantly on the go. While I’ve made improvements, my to-do lists can be a mile long, leaving me feeling like I never have a break. I took some extra time to be in nature this weekend to find stillness. I realized that while I have been loading my schedule with busyness, it hasn’t been fulfilling. It was to avoid the “lazy” label. I was intentional about slowing down this weekend. I went on two very different hikes. One followed a creek. There was a lot of hopping back and forth over the water, following the footsteps of cattle. I found myself sitting in nature, listening to the water make its way down the hillside. The other hike was one of the steepest terrains I’ve climbed in a while. A great deal of concentration was required as the trail had parts covered in mud and snow. I was in tennis shoes because my brother in law thought it would be fine. 🙂 This resulted in me sliding down the trail numerous times because mud was caked into my soles, leaving me with no traction. But it was a blast! I wasn’t in a rush to get to the top only to get back down to do something. During these moments I was never focused on the past or the future but the present.
While this weekend was needed to change up my routine, for the last year I have put extra energy towards setting and maintain boundaries to keep my cup filled. When I’m stuck in the vicious cycle of feeling like I need to have my future mapped out, I pull myself from the valuable time of now. I miss the good in front of me which lately has been watching my sweet yet sassy niece learn and grow. I often wish time would slow down. While this isn’t feasible, what I do have control over is embracing the present.
Here are a few of my takeaways from this weekend:
- Doing activities that help me to stay in the moment. For me this looks like breath work, trail running, mediation and hiking.
- Have the hard conversation. This is applicable for any relationship (family, friends, employers). Asking for what we want to live out our fullest potential can be difficult.
- Accolades do not equal worth. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but the process is where the good stuff is.
- Your boundaries might look different than friends, family and colleagues. This doesn’t make you less of anything.
- Time is limited. Are we living our daily lives in such a way we are fulfilled? Or are we failing into old habits and finding comfort in our childhood conditioning?
Cheers!