I had to take a step away. Actually that is a lie. My plate was so overfilled I had to prioritize and had zero energy to write. Since I can remember, I have always been the type to be involved in as many activities as possible. As a child, I would take up art lessons after school. That was until sports started and I had to choose between the two. If I could have, I would have done both. I enrolled myself in at least 5 – 4-H clubs. 2 of which were animals. If you’ve never raised an animal, it’s a lot of work. My rockstar parents made this possible. Fair time, I signed up for more activities that didn’t require me to be a part of club – public speaking one minute, the next I would be serving a themed meal to judges. In high school, it was FBLA, FFA, sports, managing the high school store, trying to earn straight A’s and traveling to a neighboring county on the weekends to spend time with my best friend. Every summer I had a job. Hard work and a lot of work became a part of me at a young age.
In my adult life, not much has changed. You won’t find me at the local fair showing a rabbit or praying my parents’ oven will hold the right temperature so I can have 5 well colored, chewy cookies for a cooking entry. Instead, you will find me trying to keep up on the trails, maintaining a presentable apartment, running a PT clinic, pouring my creativity into my cooking, taking care of a pup and trying to find time and energy to be social. Adulting at its finest. I don’t write these thoughts with the belief that I am the only one or as a pity plea. I gently point my finger at myself for poorly executing appropriate boundaries.
My career has taken a toll on me. And it has become noticeable to some of my closest friends – “Are you married to that job? This isn’t good for your health.” “When are you going to learn that not taking a vacation and constantly going above and beyond without much in return will burn you out?” And honestly, these are valid. Since I graduated from college, I have never (and will never) half ass any career. I have been in some line of customer service and I put myself in the shoes of the costumer. Spending extra time on the phone with job applicants who were jobless for months and they needed income to feed their family. Being an ear for patients to share their deepest concerns, a shoulder to cry on and being a face of hope because anyone who is a PT has a “never give up on patients” gene. I will always show up for them, but I realized I stopped showing up for myself. At times I have been led to believe I am only a number and am replaceable. Higher ups making inappropriate comments. Settling for a salary that is much less than what I deserve (not because of entitlement, but because of the quality of work I provide).
Emotionally and physically this has been a very long week. I had put in a couple of long days, 16 hour days. When others are projecting their emotions on to you, 16 hours feels like 116 hours. Working out typically helps me stay on track, but I had no energy to execute my training plan. Eating healthy was not a part of the equation and my sleep was minimal. The perfect recipe for disaster. But I still showed up for others.
As the Universe would do, 3 powerhouse women, by the names of Beyoncé, Brené and Maren, brought their voices over the last 4 days. Beyoncé!? C’mon!! “Homecoming” has been on repeat since being released. She is proud AF of her culture and it took everything I had to keep it together. Beyoncé continues to create a platform for women of color but I would argue all women, and did it flawlessly. She shares her voice, gives viewers a glimpse into her life and encouraged us all to be more. Brené’s books have been life changing. When I heard her special on Netflix would be released, I cleared my schedule. Discussing how we often do not have the hard conversations and those are the conversations we need most – was she talking directly to me? I am outspoken, but I typically avoid the hard conversations out of fear. Fear of letting someone else down. Fear of losing a job. Fear of how I will be perceived. And Maren. I swear, she is a real life angel. Maren’s (yes we’re on a first name basis) latest album is perfection. I purchased a ticket last minute to catch her show. She commanded the stage, engaged with the crowd and was relatable. She spoke about a song she wanted to be the first single from a previous album. She was told that no one wants to hear sad songs on the radio and she needed to choose a different one. She went against the advice. The song went on to be her first number one and the person would later be fired. She thanked the audience for always showing up. She became more open about wanting to only focus on song writing because maybe she was not fit to be a performer. Now she is selling out shows.
Lastly, I cannot leave out my Mom. We were messaging today as I was voicing some frustrations. Some days I think my Mom is caught between a rock and a hard place with me :). She comes from a different generation, one that is more of a put your head down, less confrontational and cautious. I’m the opposite! As she suggested the careful route, I boldly stated, “Nothing good ever came from playing it safe. You didn’t raise us to just sit back”.
The messages and conversations these women shared were what the doctor ordered to prepare for the week. It was my reminder that even when life gets hard, it is important to:
- Keep Showing Up
- Set Boundaries
- Know Your Value and Be Willing to Fight
- Take a Leap of Faith
- Have a Tough, Overdue Conversation
- Never Settle
- ALWAYS Be You
Ain’t gonna water down my words or sugar up my spice
Maren Morris
Sometimes the truth don’t always come out nice
Just gonna do me and you don’t have to listen
And if you don’t like the heat, then get out of the kitchen
Cheers!