Like many others I am living a life of uncertainty. But the reality is, we’ve always lived in a time of uncertainty. Maybe we thought we always knew the answers. We didn’t and don’t. I am notorious for trying to control the outcome. My mental coach has hammered control the controllables. My therapist constantly reminds the to lay the groundwork and let go of the outcome. For a type A, must know person, this has been extremely hard for me, even before covid-19.
I have experienced all of the emotions. I have been scared that I would lose a family member, a friend and my job. I have been disappointed in friends who did not take the current situation seriously and made it about them. I have been disappointed in friends who have been upset about having their children at home and schools closing early. Because while they are complaining, my best friend is running out the door, leaving her children at home, to work in the ER where they are told (not asked) to use minimal equipment. She is one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met. Her response to her situation was “I signed up for this.” I can’t help but think you didn’t sign up to be on the front line ill-equipped. I have been brought to tears knowing people will lose loved ones, people will not be able to eat, businesses will be forced to close their doors and in turn jobs will be lost. I have also seen people’s true colors and to be honest, I won’t be interacting with them. I am all for a difference of opinions and disagreements, but when it’s a matter of people’s lives, nope. Bye.
I have also been at peace. In my situation, worst case scenario (financially, if i were to have lost my job) I move home with my parents. If that’s the worst for me, that worst is not all so bad. I know I am privileged and several do not have this luxury. I have seen trainers, therapists, and musicians step up and provide the world with workouts, free sessions and concerts. Friends are becoming even more connected and we are now having to communicate and use our words 🙂 Or hide out and stream new releases. Whatever suits you! Love thy neighbor is apparent in several communities.
I have been reminded how lucky we are to have technology to actually not be so isolated during our self quarantines. I have often wondered if Mother Earth had enough of our bullshit and lack of respect for not only nature but for one another, she decided to shake shit up. Maybe we treated our lives like a popularity contest for too long and the pandemic is meant to make us realize we are more alike than we are different, unless you are a celebrity, then you still have a leg up and get testing. I digress. It has shown us we have a broken financial and medical system, that teachers deserve more, and how much we rely on luxuries for our day to day lifestyles.
I have had ample time to reflect on what is most important to me: family. So let me introduce you to the 5 most influential people of my life (in no particular order) with a glimpse into their traits, some memories and what we would be doing today if in this situation when I was a grade schooler or how we may spend our time in present day.
My Dad. He is the most resourceful man I know. When I was a child, on weekends, the family would load up for Sunday drives. We would come to a fork in the road, someone would yell left or right, and away we went. He knows county roads like the back of his hand or at least pretended. He educated us on the history of the area, the geography and geology. He taught me how to survive when camping. He also has the top of the line equipment so camping often looks better than a motel 6, but none the less, I could sleep on a cot and scrounge for berries. He taught me the importance of adventure and if when you catch a fish that is too big for you to reel in, stand on the bank and scream at the top of your lungs until someone (my dad) comes running to help out 🙂 He introduced me to beer bread and the importance of putting blankets under your sleeping bag vs. draping blankets on top. We’ve had our fair share of getting lost too. Last time I went elk hunting with him, we took a few wrong turns. We had water and 1-2 packages of fun sized M&Ms. I was certain I would die in the woods that day. He CALMLY said, “lets find a main road, see if our radio can reach anyone and see what happens”. I took off my pack and used it as a headrest, said a few prayers, thanked a higher power for this life and wondered if that would be my last breath! 🙂 Eventually the rest of camp came out looking for us and found us sitting by the side of the road. Today, if he weren’t in his shop, he’d suggest we go jump on a quad or go for a drive to see the country.
My sister. We weren’t always best friends. In fact, at times it felt like we were enemies. I was the little sister who always wanted to tag along. She was patient but more annoyed. In our younger years, she wanted to be a teacher. I was her student, not by choice. She would write out math problems and I was only excused from the table after I completed the assignment with no mistakes. I imagine if we were at this age today, she would be doing the same. We would also be riding our horses around my parents’ property, making barrels out of sage brush. We would jump into the roles of Tom and Huck, wander near the creek, naming each part based on its unique characteristics. We would be feeding our animals. In our younger years we mastered the army crawl. My parents live out in the country. When we had unexpected visitors, the only thing we knew was to hide. We would army crawl as close to the door as possible to not be seen (we were strategic), sneak into my room, peak out the window, and impatiently wait for intruders to leave. A sigh of relief came over us as we saw their taillights. My sister likes her personal space. All these years later, I would be the annoying little sister asking if she’s done journaling because I was ready to hang out. Forget the self quarantine if we’re under the same roof!
My Grandma. Where do I even begin. This woman has been one of the most constant people in my life. She has never missed a beat. Born in the 1930s, she sure has seen a lot. I chatted with her last week. I’m sure she has her own worries, but she was calm, positive and hopeful for the days to come. Mainly because I am sure she has seen far worse than we are experiencing today. During summers, after my parents had gone to work, she would come pick me up and bring me to town. She would make smoothies. We would play cribbage and read. I don’t see how this would be much different today but maybe we would discuss the lack of leadership our country has.
My Mom. I have been told I resemble my mom’s looks and mannerisms. Mom, what a huge compliment for you! 😉 Today, we’d both internally be wondering what else we needed to do around the house to keep it germ free. We would likely be stressed trying to help others and trying to control the future. But we would also be in the kitchen, burning or baking desserts. I would get a wild hair to decorate our baked items. Mom would pull out icing tips and bags (that we’ve had for over 20 years because we’re not wasteful!). Next we would be doing something in the craft room -sewing, creating with Perler Beads, cross stitching. This would all happen after we went spent the morning watching quilting shows (insert eye roll here. Those damn shows!) My mom also has a love for chickens. There are chicken figurines around the house. I give her a hard time about one, apparently it’s from Italy. So now we have an ugly Italian chicken sitting on the stove. Farm life! We would gather eggs and probably be in our pajamas but would at least have eggs to eat! She is one of the most generous people and why I have a care package coming. She is the first to check in on me and regardless of distance, I know her mother instinct is always on.
My Great Grandma (Gram). I was on the phone with my mom and I said you know who I wish was still alive? She knew who I was talking about before I even said anything. Gram survived the Great Depression, WWII, constant moves and “witch craft”. I recently reread her life story. Gram had the sharpest mind. She remembered everything. She could name the presidents in any order you asked (forward, backward, every other). She could name every bone in her body. She will give credit to a couple of her teachers while the others she suggested were only mediocre 🙂 She would have enough food to feed an army. She would have a full garden and let us run through the rows of corn. Her freezer would be stocked. She would let us play in the bins of flour that would later be used to make bready bears. (I’m sure the heat killed the germs!!!). She would take us on walks to pick berries and look at the forest. She never had a dusty book because she read often. She is the reason I know how to use a type writer. I played on that dinosaur piece of equipment and those skills would later came in handy when one of my jobs required me to use a typewriter. As her health declined, she would go into assisted living. My sister and I stopped to visit her. Gram took great pride in her family and friends. I would have never remembered the names of the folks in photos, but Gram took us on a journey anyway. She named all of the people in the photos and gave us a little bit of history. I wish I would have known how important the people in the photos were at the time. I would have been more attentive and probably taken notes. Her health continued to declined, would eventually move to my hometown and live in the memory center. God she was annoyed as ever. During our last visit, she mastered rolling her eyes at every little thing. It made me chuckle. I gave her a hug goodbye, knowing it would most likely be the last time I saw her as I was headed back to PT school. She squeezed my hands, smiled and in that moment I knew that while I never wrote down anything, Gram passed down skills that would come in handy during every decade of my life. If she were still alive, I know she would be rolling her eyes at the madness around kids wanting their screens charged and the chaos of people buying out grocery stores.
I hope others are as fortunate to know and share memories with numerous generations too. #stayhome