There are no guarantees in life. Tomorrow is never promised.
Last Saturday I was out on a date. He had gone in to order us food. My phone vibrated. It was my Dad. “Did you hear?” He informed me that my best friend’s Dad had passed away from a car accident. I waited until my date returned to the table to tell him I needed to step away to make a phone call. Talk about a fun date I am 🙂
I’m from a small town where rumors fly like crazy and I rarely believe anything when I first hear it. I called my other best friend ( I have a lot of best friends. It’s what happens in rural America). She confirmed the tragedy. We stayed on the phone for a bit, both trying to hold back our tears until we couldn’t. Both left feeling helpless and sad. Through the tears I was able to get out one of favorite memories:
“Do you remember that time in elementary school during recess when Jessica said she had learned a dirty joke from her Dad?” Alex laughed. The first time Jessica brought a dirty joke to school, there were several times I might add, she couldn’t remember it all. We begged her to go home and ask her Dad to tell it again, but this time she needed to write it down. She did. She came back to school, pulled out her joke journal during recess and we proceeded to memorize each line. Alex and I had a good laugh as we were able to still recite some of the lines all these years later.
As I mentioned, coming from small town America, when I say someone is my best friend, they have been in my life from the beginning. We went through every grade (pre-k to senior year) together, have been there through thick and thin regardless of distance. We are family by choice. Because of this, I have several memories of him. Here are a few more of my favorite:
- Jessica and I were? are? adventure seekers aka push limits but don’t quite break the law or at least don’t get arrested! Vince would always laugh at us as we were sitting at their kitchen island, asking what stupid thing we did that day! Or the time I showed up to head to the field in flip flops. He never let me live that down 🙂
- He was a farmer. Jessica drove combine during harvest and I would go ride with her. We drove in circles for hours. One summer, they bought a new combine equipped with air conditioning and a CD player. This was a luxury during the summers. We would have been okay with the A/C but a CD player too? Yes please! I’m sure there were some fancy settings to prevent digging in the dirt to reduce the chances of hitting a rock. This one day in particular, Jessica and I got to talking (shocker!) and the blade landed in the dirt and we broke down. Not once, but twice. We waited for Vince to come fix our mistake. The second time it happened, Jessica made up some story (probably that there were massive boulders in the ground or that the sensor must be broken) and told me to just go with it. He saw right through us but he wasn’t mad. I think he was happy to have his family out there, sharing this experience with friends.
- He sounded exactly like the lead singer of AC/DC. Jessica and I were in their living room, playing a game similar to checkers but with mini boulders. All of a sudden AC/DC comes blasting over the speakers and he slides into the living room singing at the top of his lungs. Scared the shit out of us but his performance was spot on.
I could go on for days sharing memories. I am so grateful he welcomed me into their home – nearly every weekend, shared laughs, slid several cocktails across the counter to me, demonstrated how to live life to its fullest and gave me one of my best friends.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon, a week later. I am dancing in the kitchen while meal prepping and my phone goes off. I wait until my hands are clean to check my messages. I collapsed on the floor. My friend’s daughter passed away. I had spent time with them earlier this week. Surely this wasn’t true. I went back and reread the message thinking I misread something. I hadn’t. I still haven’t fully processed this. I will miss her climbing onto the couch next to me. I will miss her not so gracefully falling into my arms. I will miss giving her all of the hugs (she’s the best hugger). I will miss watching her be her own biggest cheerleader but also waiting for the rest of us to celebrate her, too 🙂
My heart still heavy from the previous week, and with the news yesterday, I wasn’t sure I wanted to run today. I told my coach yesterday it would be a game time decision. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I knew I would have to pull from every thing I had to avoid crying while running today. It would have been okay if I had, but I was also not sure I could mentally get myself to the finish line if and when things were hard or painful. Physically, my training hasn’t been the most ideal. Mainly because I haven’t wanted to train. I’ve only done a few double digit runs since June.
I woke up at 4 am and decided perfect timing does not exist. If I walked for 13 miles, then so be it. There will be a day when I am no longer able to run and I need to take it all in while I have an abled body. If I break down into tears, emotions are normal and there would be a runner to lift me up.
I had absolutely no expectations for today. In fact, I didn’t look at my watch until maybe mile 12? I don’t have run time goals for majority of my races because that is not what running is about for me anymore. I know it drives some of my friends crazy as they constantly ask what pace am I planning to run, some even several times during a workout! Today I ran with people I wouldn’t normally see on the course. Not because I am faster or slower but because I am typically so focused on paces and splits I tend to tune out my surroundings. I had to stop to pee. One of my friends laughed and said you must not be a triathlete! If you know triathletes, they pee their kits on the regular, at least so I’m told. I joked that if I weren’t in tights I’d consider it. If there was a high-fiving kiddo, I went out of my way to connect with them. If someone yelled my name, I was sure to acknowledge their cheers. Today, I never had one negative thought run through my head. I didn’t question myself. Today’s race was what I needed to escape from reality for a bit.
It has been a f*cking week. My heart will probably be heavy for several weeks. I know I will cry when I least expect it. Through these tragedies I am reminded of several things:
- Freaking celebrate yourself and welcome when others want to celebrate you.
- Find something to laugh about each day.
- Surround yourself with people who are your biggest fans.
- Share what you enjoy with others.
- Lose expectations.
- Do things because you can, not because you’re ready.
- Hug (love) others like you mean it.
- Never take anything for granted.
Cheers!