What a year it has been. Each birthday I write down a few things I want to make a priority. Some of those from last year included: be present, be still, be you.
I kicked off year 33 with attending a race to cheer on runners. Some will find this odd but if you have never been a part of a running community, especially in Austin, it is hard to explain. Globally we have seen women supporting women and this is true for the running world as well. I am beyond grateful for the ones in my tribe. This day was everything. I am always inspired being on the sidelines witnessing runners give it their all, regardless of experience. Being at the race, with my squad, was the ideal way for me the begin 33!
This past year was also the year I backed out of race #2 since I began running. I had a nagging injury and I knew a December marathon was out of the picture when I was unable to complete 10 calf raises at 20 pounds, on two legs, two months out. A marathon was not happening. It was actually a blessing in disguise. I was losing my passion for running. I went through the motions. I tried to convince myself it was a bad day that turned into a bad week, weeks turned to months. I still completed my long runs, but was starting to question why if my heart was no longer in it? I put loads of pressure on myself when it came to running. Not because I think I’m going to be am amateur runner turned professional, but it was to feel validated. To feel like I had a spot. That I was only worthy of taking up space if I finished in the top x% or running marathon distance. I was consumed by running. After much reflection, I realized I do not enjoy training for, or running for that matter, a marathon at this point in my life. My body shuts down with higher mileage. I spend more time in various medical offices trying to get my hormones back in order than I care to admit. Blood draws often make me faint, so you can imagine how office visits might go. Finally, I have a good balance with my work, social and run life that the half marathon is the longest distance I’ll sign up for.
It was also a year of career change. I have always told myself if I have the Friday scaries (when you’re dreading work the following week), it is not for me. If I am praying that Friday comes quickly each week, it is time to move on. I often find this is a rocky terrain though. If you quit, you have to be ready to explain yourself during your next opportunity. Interviews can become more challenging because employers may think you’re jumping ships and are not ready to commit. I look at it as trying to find my passion. To be in a position I am so passionate about, I don’t care what day it is. I am just happy to be going to do something I love. A previous manager once told me she would be disappointed if her employees were not occasionally searching for other opportunities. This process would weed out those who wanted to be there and those who should seek another position. However, her main concern was that while she hoped her employees would stay, she wanted them to be happy and be excited for their career. Ummmm, excuse me? This was the first time I had EVER heard a manager actually care about the wellbeing of employees and wanting them to succeed regardless of field. This has always stuck with me. I began looking for a new position and by the grace of God, found one that I am so passionate about – pediatrics. I am so happy with my new role. It has taken me some time to feel more settled but after a few months, I feel like I am where I belong. Who doesn’t want to snuggle with little ones and help those in need? It is not easy to see what I have seen in a short time, but my heart is overflowing at the end of every day and it is always an honor to help others.
Relationships/Friendships were also interesting. Not good or bad, they just were…a growing experience. I traveled to San Diego for a race where I finally met Danielle, although it’s as if we have known each other since childhood. Without missing a beat, I was able to reconnect with another good friend of mine in Nashville who I hadn’t seen in 10 years. I dated more this last year than I probably have my entire life combined. 🙂 I met some great guys, some not so great guys for me and some that made me take a step back and finally accept that their actions are a reflection of them and not me. I took more chances, was vulnerable and dodged some bullets!
So 34. My focus is to be defined by who I am and not what I do. I no longer tell people I am a physical therapist. Mainly because I have too many running friends asking for free service 🙂 But really, I am an empath who thrives in fast paced environments and switching gears quickly. I love problem solving, educating and working with and helping others of all cultures. It just so happens that these are traits of a physical therapist. It would be easy to say I am a plant based runner, too. The truth is that I love animals and enjoy their beauty and contribution to Earth’s intricacies. I don’t believe in hurting another species for my pleasure. Don’t worry, I won’t push my beliefs on to you! I run because I find that I am the most alive and free when I am out in nature! I like to test limits and create connections. It is being with others who could careless about status. It is feeling completely depleted but coming back for more. As hard as it can be at times, I am making a promise to myself that how my body looks does not define me. My worth is never associated with a jean size or pace. No matter what size, speed, passion, we all deserve and have a spot. So 34: The Year of Who I am.
Cheers!