I was finishing up my final rotation for physical therapy school at Vanderbilt Children’s in Nashville. I was able to see an overwhelming amount of settings and diagnoses. I spent time in the hospital, outpatient, rheumatology clinic as well as hemophilia clinic. While at times I felt like a chicken running around with my head cut off, the resources available to me were countless. I shadowed and worked beside some of the most caring, brilliant and talented physical therapists and medical professionals. So much so that if and when I have children, should they need medical assistance, I will head to Nashville.
Nashville is also known for its diversity. Due to this, we had interpreters for nearly all languages and if not available onsite, we were able to reach an interpreter by phone. I finished a session with a kiddo, using an interpreter. I will never forget this interpreter yelling my name after the session to catch me in the hallway. She proceeded to tell me, “You have such a light about you. An aura. You’re an angel on Earth!” I don’t tell you this to say I am this great person. I tell you this because this said light, had lost a bit of its shine lately.
I was going through the motions but my purpose was lost. I even contemplated if PT was the right career choice and explored other routes. For most, the front I had put on was my norm. Those who really know me and were my sounding board, knew I was not fulfilled. They would send me encouraging messages such as “Keep your chin up” and “Hang in there”. But I had been doing this, at least externally, and my bucket was never full. My bucket remained close to empty as I continued to navigate. What was the cause of all of this? To be honest, it was my work environment. I am by no means pointing the finger as I am responsible for my own happiness. My patients would never see my dimness. I even had one gentleman shed tears as he told me how much he could tell I loved my job and he felt like he had finally found a provider who genuinely cared about him. Because I do truly love to help others, and I will always show up and give my patients everything I have, regardless. He wasn’t wrong.
I wrote laundry lists. Journaled. Read self improvement books to find my direction. Relied on running to let my thoughts flow and keep me sane. My gut kept pulling me back to pediatrics. When I am working with children, I return to the creative girl I once was but only with more knowledge and experience. When working with adults, you can have full conversations. With children you can, too, but it’s light and fun. During my rotation at Vanderbilt one of my patient’s challenged me to climb the rock wall and jump into the pit after beating me on a scooter board around the race track. My hamstrings were never happy after those sessions! Adults you can ask them to walk a lap around a wing of the hospital. Children you take them on a scavenger hunt. Pediatrics is not for everyone but it is where I thrive.
With that, I made the decision to go back into pediatrics. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make. Brandon, PTA, and I have been working together since the beginning. We are extremely close. “Would he find a job”, “Would he be okay” I wondered. We’ve been a team. Our patients recognized this from day 1. We worked so well together that often we did not have to say a word and completed a task the other was thinking about. I was the drill sergeant and he was the calm one as we often joked. Coworkers can make or break the work place and quite honestly, Brandon is irreplaceable and I was hesitant to let that go.
Putting myself first has never come easily, but I know if I want a long term career as a physical therapist and to fulfill my dreams, I need to follow my instincts. I’m nervous and excited, but more excited than nervous. There will be challenges and changes come August, but I also know that is where I grow the most. Knowing there is growth makes the discomfort worth it.
Today was my last day and filled with more emotion than I prepared for. As we turned off the lights for the final time, I had a million thoughts running through my head as tears rolled down my face:
- It is rarely easy. I am beyond excited for this new position but walking away from what I have known the last couple of years was challenging.
- I have created lifelong friendships. Brandon has become like a brother and even though I won’t see him every day, our friendship doesn’t have an expiration date.
- I have to be okay with discomfort in order to grow. Some days it is easier to stay stagnant, doing what we’ve always done for several reasons. But growth doesn’t live here.
- Regardless of the setting, I have the opportunity to have a positive impact on others.
- I will forever be thankful for the patients who chose us for their care. With several options, being selected to help someone is always the highest compliment and reward!
- Always follow your instinct because that is where you will shine the brightest. You and the world deserve your light!
Cheers!