Back in December, I decided I wanted to take a stab at writing. Writing has always intimidated me. There is room for critique and judgement, people may not like or read your words. Perhaps that is why I was drawn to the sciences. Not much room for gray, it’s pretty black and white. When you come to a conclusion, it was formula and data driven, not creativity.
I had no idea how to start a blog. Thankfully, my sister is highly skilled in this area and took care of the set up. My only responsibilities were to remember my login information and create content! Next, I would need a couple of photos. Most people want to see your face, or Henley’s in my case, in photos, especially if the writing is about you. But truth is, I hate(d) my picture being taken.
This started at a young age, back in those baseball years. I’m starting to see a trend here. I could have passed on school photos too. Most kids wanted their friends and teachers to have pictures. I did not. I would try to secretly toss my pictures, even if that meant tearing them up in tiny pieces, so my parents did not know. Sorry, Mom and Dad!
In December, my Mom asked if I would go through photo boxes and toss out photos I no longer wanted. Love my Mom dearly, but she kept ALL photos – the blurry ones, the one of a roadrunner I took in the 2nd grade and all of the doubles! One box in particular had photos of me in grade school. I asked my Mom two questions:
- Is this what I really looked like? I look like a square.
- Was I miserable as a child? I do not look happy in ANY photo, not even when I was showing my rabbit, Peter or Killer as my Dad named him, at the fair!! 🙂
She responded with “you were my square and you meant business as a child!” Lovely, I thought. How in the hell am I going to have my photo taken for this blog? At the time, the only professional pictures taken of me, aside from my senior pictures, were of me being a bridesmaid. Who could I ask to take photos that I would feel comfortable with? That would stick with me through the process of being out of my comfort zone, feeling awkward and being insecure? It was not going to be easy, but this year I promised myself it would be about growth. So, I asked my friend Gabe.
Gabe is humble, but extremely talented, especially in the arts. The first set of photos were taken earlier this year when it was cold AF. So cold I couldn’t get my fingers to work, my hands subconsciously clinched, my teeth were chattering as I attempted to smile. The weather was less than ideal, but Gabe made it fun and as relaxed as possible given the conditions. Fast forward to this weekend, we did round 2. I’ve grown a lot over the past 6 months. I am more comfortable and confident in who I am than I have been at any point in my life. Today was filled with lots of laughs, smiles, homeless people, growth, pictures, and memories.
No amount of money can ever repay Gabe for his time, patience, talent and support. My words will come up short in an attempt to express how grateful I am but here we go:
Dear Gabe,
You did not know this prior to today but you have helped me grow in a way I didn’t think was possible 6 months ago. You have a way of making a subject feel comfortable when they are out of their comfort zone. You have helped me change the way I look at photos, especially when I am in them. I no longer have the desire to dissect myself until there is nothing left. You are an integral part of this pivotal time in my life. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
Sincerely,
The Woman Always Asking Where to Look 🙂
Cheers!