Confession. I have lived in fear most of my life. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of letting someone else down. Fear of not be accepted. Fear of not being good enough. I made, and still make, my pros/cons list, agonizing over the cons. When I turned 30, I found myself still searching for approval from my family and friends.
Looking back, I made two major decisions that didn’t necessarily align with the input I received, but have had the greatest impact on my adult years.
- Returning to school for Physical Therapy
- Getting a dog
PT school was and still is one of the most challenging experiences. At one point I was certain I was going to fail neuroanatomy and be held back. Luckily for me, I had very brilliant and giving classmates, professors and mentors who took time out of their already packed days to help me study. I went through an entire pack of college ruled, loose leaf paper, regurgitating slides. I was so afraid of not passing because I was fearful of others opinions. I did what I needed to do to achieve almost 100% on our final exam to receive a passing grade.
Fast forward to a couple of years. The new girl at work, who quickly became one of my best friends, apologized for showing too many puppy pictures. Who is this new girl? If she only knew how much I love dogs. Oh she knew. 🙂 She “convinced” me to go to her parents’ to meet the puppies. Hesitantly, I agreed, knowing that if I met those 4-legged furballs, I would need one. Yes, need! I left the Halls’ unsure if I could be a good dog mom? Would I have the time? You all know how that story ended. .
I’m not suggesting we go against all advice/opinions, but deep down, I knew I would figure it out in both situations. I was too busy doubting myself I forgot my strengths. I spent most of the time not living in the moment and putting all of my energy on the past and future. Here is the deal – I’m good at getting gritty. I’m resourceful. And I have THE BEST DAMN SUPPORT SYSTEM.
There have been plenty of missed opportunities throughout my life due to fear and my 2019 run goal will not be one of them. The goal of attempting to run a half marathon in 90 minutes scares the sh*t out of me. Mainly because I revert to those “what if I can’t/don’t (insert almost anything here)” thoughts. I am also excited to challenge myself on a higher physical level. A friend recently told me, “If it excites and scares you at the same time, it is the right goal!” What is your right goal?